What came first? The sluts or the sluttiness?

Mama Jan is a middle school volleyball coach, and her season is just getting going. I've offered to help her out while I wade through job-seeking and unemployment. I played volleyball as a Mini Dana at the same school where my mom coaches and I know what it feels like. The girls aren't just playing on a team; they're trying to find a place to fit in. During the winter, the girls try out for travel volleyball and the boys try out for travel basketball. On game days, there was usually a different dress code-- guys would wear shirts and ties, girls would wear hair ribbons that had been puffy-painted with their name and jersey number. The volleyball players would cheer on the basketball players and vice-versa. There was a little bit of pageantry and romance to the whole thing, and no matter what, being on one of the teams afforded you at least a little bit of social currency. That's how I remember it. And I got the impression that things had been like that for a long time.

Cut to 2011. It's been 16 years since I was in 8th grade, and things have really changed, and maybe not for the better. First of all, all of the girls have cell phones. (Several of them have iPhones or Androids, which really irks me because how could it possibly be necessary for a 13-year-old to have a Smartphone?) I think it's pretty standard for a middle-schooler to feel intense social pressure, especially for the girls. Girls are total bitches in middle school. (I absolutely was. I was a faithful friend, sure, but I was also a shit-starter, and I was fucking BRUTAL to this one guy named Sean, at least during 7th grade. I don't know what started it, but if you couple my natural smart-ass tendencies with adolescent insecurity, and then supply a vulnerable target-- well, it's open season. Poor Sean. Every so often, I look him up on Facebook, just to make sure that he's OK, and hasn't killed himself from a psychosis that I might've caused. So far, so good.) Here's the thing though: when I was in middle school, we didn't have the same communication options that kids do today. We had landlines and some of our parents had car phones. (Remember those?! Like in "Sixteen Candles"?) If you'd made a social faux-pas and were suddenly the butt of every joke, you were guaranteed some space from it once you got home from school. Kids today don't have that option because everything that happens at school gets extended to Facebook and chains of text messaging. Is it any wonder that bullying and stuff is getting worse?

Here's the other thing. When I was in middle school, the girls wanted to look cute, sure. There was a lot of Gap, a lot of overalls, a lot of baby-T's, a lot of slip dresses, and jeans jeans jeans. Doc Martens, Birkenstocks, Vans, chunky Steve Maddens-- those were good shoes to have. For volleyball practice, we wore shorts-- Adidas, Champion, you know, athletic stuff-- and comfortable t-shirts. For games, we wore ill-fitting jerseys and school-issued shorts. When we played off-season, or made it to high school teams, we wore Spandex bike-style shorts, and didn't think twice about it. (Sure, it draws some attention to the butt and thighs, but if you're playing sports, this isn't that big of a deal. I was always the fat girl on my teams, so I can say without hesitation that it was fine.)

AND THEN THE SHIT HIT THE FAN.

I don't know if it was Britney Spears, or "Mean Girls", or the post-Seattle seasons of "The Real World", or possibly "Laguna Beach", but so many media messages that these girls receive underscore the idea that they need to be sex objects. That isn't new-- women have been made to feel that way for, geez, I don't know even know, but let's estimate and say FOREVER-- but it has absolutely gotten worse. In one way or another, it's all about making oneself a little sluttier, just shy of the point of actually being a slut. And the worst part is that none of them seem to know it. (The idea of styling your hair to make it look like bed-head? Guess where that trend started, girls. It sure as hell wasn't with any woman worth respecting. I watch my players do it and it's awful. They actually want to look like they're making the walk of shame back to their sorority houses, underwear is missing in action, and eye make-up askew.)

So, my middle school has a new principal. He reminds me of a cross between Fred Armisen's character in "Easy A" and Miss Trunchbull, the headmistress from Roald Dahl's Matilda. And, for better or worse, he's on a mission to put a stop to this oversexualization. The basic uniform for any volleyball player, from middle school through the Olympics, includes snug-fitting shorts. Some teams use "butt pants" or "spankies"-- basically, Spandex underpants that one wears over her actual underwear. No one looks good in them, but they're fairly comfortable and they make one's legs look super-long, which can be intimidating to an opposing team. (For real. I have empirical evidence.) Most teams use a basic Spandex short, with varying inseams. It's not really about showing off a nice butt-- it's about wearing clothes that don't require any attention after you put them on. Well, this new principal has laid down the law and put the kibosh on the girls wearing Spandex, in favor of longer, looser, more unisex-style shorts. The girls flipped about it because they've become accustomed to wearing cute, low-rise, high-cut Spandex.

Now, on one hand, this is ridiculous. None of the other teams that the girls will play have this rule. All of them will be wearing Spandex. It's the standard garb for women's volleyball. It's comfortable and functional. The new principal is going overboard.

On the other hand, I have to applaud him. There are not enough people standing up for these girls. As I've said before, I might be described by some [totally tight-assed] people as monastic. I vocally reject a lot of what is deemed attractive or alluring by today's standards-- the tone of voice that mimics Paris Hilton or Kristen Cavalleri, the clothing emblazoned with ridiculous and banal double-entendres, the waxed/bronzed/Botoxed/lifted/augmented porn-star archetype, the lack of emphasis on intellect, anyone with the last name "Kardashian" etc-- and I have no patience or humor when it comes to the promotion of media that pushes those standards further. (I'm talking to you, Viacom.) It takes a lot of backbone to take a stand for something better. These girls that I coach are going to be adults in the not-too-distant future. They'll have to contend with an unending deluge of bullshit. They'll feel pressure from every angle. They have no idea that their principal might be the biggest advocate for their tenuous grip on legit adolescence.