"That's the ABC's of me, baby!"

The quote in the title of this entry is from Jerry Maguire, spoken by the character Rod Tidwell as played by Cuba Gooding, Jr. I'm generally a fan of Cameron Crowe's work, and then I read that he'd told Janeane Garafalo that she'd secured the role of Dorothy Boyd in Jerry Maguire, suggested she lose some weight for the role, and then gave it to Renee Zellweger. I'll never be able to fully express how upset that makes me.

Anyway, Sister Carrie posted this little personality expose thing on her blog, and I thought I'd play along.

A. Age – 29. No one ever guesses my age correctly. An asshole at a college bar referred to me as "some bitchy 35-year-old", when I was in fact a bitchy 25-year-old; but usually people guess that I'm 5 or 6 years younger than I am. This is good because I'm a late bloomer and always have been. I might be 29, but I'm hitting 24/25-year-old benchmarks right now. (Mind your own business about that.)

B. Bed size – Twin. I sleep in the same bed that BFFs Katie, Molly, and Thea would sleep on when they stayed over at Chez Mofo during high school and breaks from college. I'm telling you: late bloomer.

C. Chore that you hate – Cleaning my bedroom. The majority of the childhood memories of my father are of him yelling at me about my messy room, and for those that know my dad, it should be clear that having him raise his voice to you is pretty much the least fun thing ever. It's pants-shittingly unfun. Also, I don't like having people in my room, so cleaning it seems like a waste of time because I don't really give a fuck if it's messy. My mentality, much to the chagrin of pretty much everyone that has ever lived with me, is that if you have an issue with my room being messy, then you are even further discouraged to come into my room. For real. Stay out. Does this indicate some sort of psychosis? Eh, probably. Add one more to the list, and once again, stay out of my room.

D. Dogs – I love all of them. I've been bitten by a dog and I still love them. We just get along well. Aside from the basic things that one can love about the species-- soft ears, warm bellies, unbelievably cute babies-- I like how dogs have a really developed social structure, and I like that so many breeds of dogs have a wonderful, storied heritage. Also, dogs exhibit the best human traits: loyalty, cooperation, persistence, intelligence, sensitivity, kindness, etc. And this.

E. Essential start to your day – If I'm working, coffee with soy milk. If I'm idling, it's reading or doing the NYT crossword in the can.

F. Favorite color – It changes frequently, but dark, rich navy blue is a perennial fave.

G. Gold or silver – There's a time for both.

H. Height – 5'6.5". I love my height.

I. Instruments you play – I used to play piano and flute, and I used to sing in a handful of choirs. I still love to sing and I'd jump at the chance to learn any instrument. I would love to be able to compose and make my own arrangements of my favorite songs. I have this long-held ambition to write an early Jewel version of Poison's "Talk Dirty to Me". I already accomplished one of my random "by the time I'm 40" goals, so that one has moved up the queue.

J. Job title – Seasonal sales associate, freelance writer/editor. I'm hoping that it's only a matter of weeks before I get to reclaim a former title: political operative.

K. Kids – Oh, Christ, no. I love the niece, and I will love whatever other offspring that my siblings and close friends produce; I'd gladly sublet my uterus or donate my probably-very-agreeable follicles, but it would be for someone else's benefit.

L. Live – Detroit 'burbs. I love my hometown, but I'd rather be pretty much anywhere than here, except maybe anywhere along the rural portions of the Trans-Siberian Railroad or in any politically unstable country.

M. Mother’s name – Jan. Jancita.

N. Nicknames – Dee, Dana Mofo, DKMofo, D-Skrab [this is an abbreviation of my hypothetical DJ name, DJ Skrabble], Danifer, Wifey.

O. Overnight hospital stays – [see entries from February of 2009]

P. Pet peeves – religious fundamentalism, conspicuous consumption by the misinformed and Conservative new money enclaves outside of major cities, bigotry of any kind, reality television [with a few select exceptions], media illiteracy, mealy peaches, bullies, bad drivers, being told to watch my mouth, being dismissed, bad customer service, mixed metaphors and misuse of expressions and idioms, Citizens United, the objectification and subjugation of women worldwide PARTICULARLY when it's done under the guise of female empowerment or by the hand of women who are spoon-fed an easy alternative, how hard it is to make a living in anything creative, apathy, complacence, being told to calm down, and I really don't like when people put their hands on my bare skin without clear consent from me. (I have this gnawing memory from Election Night after this past fall's municipal primary; I was wearing a one-shoulder cocktail dress, and this dude was congratulating me and he kept palming the bare side of my back. It makes me skin crawl every time I think about it even if it was a basically innocuous maneuver. A lot of people crave physical contact and they're OK with fulfilling that craving with strangers; I am not. Keep your fucking hands off of my skin and keep your face away from my face.)

Q. Quote from a movie – I could write volumes from this prompt. From High Fidelity: "Well, I've been listening to my gut since I was 14 years old, and frankly speaking, I've come to the conclusion that my guts have shit for brains." I like pretty much every line that Carey Mulligan says in An Education. I love the last line of The Apartment. And I could watch the dialogue between Frances McDormand and Billy Crudup from Almost Famous-- watch from 3:05 to 4:50 -- about a billion times and never get sick of it. There's this tiny little nugget from The Muppets Take Manhattan when the whole gang is talking over one another, someone quiets them down, and Janice (the blonde from Electric Mayhem) goes, "I'm not taking my clothes off for anybody, even if it is artistic." I like most all of Olympia Dukakis' lines from Steel Magnolias. "There's no crying in baseball!", from A League of Their Own. For real, I could go on and on. Even if a quote doesn't have that same "I coulda been a contender!" punch that we crave, there are moments of magic when an actor's delivery of a line elevates the material beyond what is deserved by the shitty writing. (Kristen Stewart, I'm looking at you.) Rene Russo's line in The Thomas Crown Affair, referring to her character's lack of a genuine romantic history: "Well, men make women...messy." Joan Cusack in Working Girl: "Sometimes I sing and dance around the house in my underwear. Doesn't make me Madonna. Never will." Rosie O'Donnell's monologue from Beautiful Girls. Yeah, I have to stop now.

R. Right- or left-handed – Right

S. Siblings – 3 biological, 3 by marriage.

T. Time it takes you to get ready – That depends. Ok, from drenched in sweat to bridesmaid-appropriate, I'm 60 minutes with no distractions. From pajamas to work-appropriate, if I've showered the night before, 7 minutes.

U. Underwear – I'm a fan. I think thongs are ridiculous and I take issue with anyone who tries to convince me that they are comfortable. No, they aren't. And avoiding VPL is a waste of time-- yes, I'm wearing underwear! Stop the presses!

V. Vegetable you hate – I can make it work with any of them. I don't really like okra unless it's fried, and I don't like vegetables that have been pickled. Otherwise, I'm agreeable.

W. What makes you run late – Everything. I'm constantly running late. I recognize that it drives my friends and family crazy and it's a never-ending struggle.

X. X-rays you’ve had – Spinal column, teeth, jaw.

Y. Yummy food you make – I make really good risotto.

Z. Zoo animal – I really like big cats, particularly the massive matriarchs.