"...because that's where they make Dance TV."

Another fairly successful day. I've been instructed to walk two or three times a day, for 15-20 minutes at a clip...so Jan and I walked a bit through a nearby mall, and that was kind of nice. There were several instances where some rugrats got a little too close for comfort and I was worried that they may've found themselves on the business end of an asskicking-- but everyone escaped unscathed. (At this point, I just do not understand the appeal of little kids. I hope I get over this quickly because my friends and siblings are all within a handful of years of reproducing, and I'd love to be a good aunt...but right now, I just want to know why the hell they can't just calm down! I had a lot of trouble back in the day when I would babysit because I'd try to apply logic to the antics of a two-year-old, and that was somehow disregarded. Well, to hell with that.)

Also, I had the idea to set up my laptop atop a platform on my parents' kitchen counter-- so that I can stand, sway, dance, step, whatever while I write or engage in whatever interwebbing I do on a daily basis. (Still can't bring myself to the gossip pages.) I was able to withstand this for a good 45 minutes, and it felt really good. Plus, it had been SO long since I had put on some jams and just got moving. Back in the day, it wasn't uncommon for Molly and I to be the first ones on the "dance floor" at our remedial excuses for dances at our high school-- and I am SO the girl to bust sweet moves while at stoplights driving someplace-- it was nice to feel my backbone slip a little. It's so funny though-- a half-hour walk through a mall with my mom at a very moderate pace, and then 45 minutes of sort of dancing side-to-side while G-chatting-- I was exhausted. I know that it's been a long time (nearly two months) since I had a fully busy and active day, but I didn't anticipate how draining such easy activity would be. I'm going to sleep like a rock tonight. (...if only Jan would turn off the John Adams miniseries...it's too good to walk away from...godDAMN Laura Linney is brilliant. Did anyone see the movie PS with her (she?), Marcia Gay Harden, Topher Grace, and Gabriel Byrne? If not, you ought to.)

I'm asked on a daily basis about my progress, particularly concerning the recovery of any nerve activity on my right side. Again, this will take time, and it's unrealistic to expect I'll get everything back right away, if at all. But, I was struck by a realization today-- the dizzyness, nausea, headaches, disorientation, and total lack of energy-- the symptoms that were really robbing me of a normal, functioning life the past few months-- those symptoms are gone. I am not dizzy. I am not in constant anticipation of urping. I have energy again. I mean, I have side effects from surgery and meds, I certainly have pain, I have physical challenges, but as to whether or not I've noticed any changes since surgery, the answer to that is a resounding "YES". And it really is exciting to anticipate what other abilities will surface as my body continues to heal.

I am still working through the hurricane of questions that circulate through my conscience-- the major one being: will the feeling I have now abate into the same inertia I felt before? Or will it settle into some compromise between the two? How strongly will I cling to my new zero-bullshit-tolerance policy?