Uncle Paul

Michigan Recovery: Day One

I arrived safely to my parents' house last night and was immediately overwhelmed by complete and utter joy. (True story: I stood close to one of the corners in the kitchen, gave it an awkward embrace and went so far as to sort of rub my cheek against the drywall. I was that happy to be home. I am not exaggerating in the slightest; my mom would testify.)

So, again, sleeping has been a bit of an issue. On one hand, I really need to be doing a lot of it-- uninterrupted, in a quiet, dark, cool room, with supportive pillows. On the other hand, I really need to be taking my pain meds on a regular basis or I get those cute little breakthrough pain bouts that leave me feeling like I could kick a puppy and laugh about it. I did a little experiment last night. I took my dosage, went to bed, didn't set any alarms, and figured I would wake up whenever I needed to re-medicate, and maybemaybemaybe I could score a solid 6 hours. Yeah-- this was NOT the solution. I woke up 4 hours later feeling like my entire neck was on fire, I had to use the ladies' room quite desperately, and because I was so tired and in so much pain, I nearly tripped and fell about 4 times en route to said ladies' room. (This isn't an easy feat because it's maybe 12 steps from the edge of my bed to the commode.)

(I'd also like to interject here and say that a major complaint I have about my current condition is that the possibility of tripping, falling, slipping, whathaveyou are now totally unfunny-- this completely sucks because I generally embrace moments of my own clumsiness. You know how people will trip or whatever, and get pissed and embarassed? Ok, well, I'm not immune to that, I get a little red-faced if I've gone ass-over-teakettle in a public place, but I genuinely find it funny as well. I really resent that my spinal gremlins have stolen that simple joy and I'm counting the days until I can reclaim it.)

Ok, so anyway...sleeping. Something of an issue. I took an amazing nap today, so that was a victory...but of course as soon as I got my wits about me again, I was faced once again with the awful truth about healing necks-- the transition from horizontal to vertical. It hurts every goddamn time. I'm getting better at it-- there's a specific set of steps to follow (barrel-roll keeping hip and shoulder aligned, lower ankles below mattress and reach feet to floor while pushing with arms to straighten up)-- but it hurts everyeveryevery time. Anyway, the nap was fantastic and in retrospect well worth the pain that followed.

Speaking of which-- my mother's brother, Paul, suffers from a chronic back issue, so he lives with pain day-in-day-out. We were discussing painkillers and dependency and blah-blah-blah...he gave me a piece of sage advice. He said that whenever I was in pain, imagine if I could tolerate it at twice the intensity without being absolutely bat-shit crazy. If I could handle it, then I should avoid any narcotics and just deal with it...take some ibuprofen, hot shower, whatever. But if doubling the intensity of any pain I feel would make me homicidal, suicidal, whatever, then I shouldn't second-guess treatment. If nothing else, it's an interesting perspective.