WTF!?: The DKM Story: "Scoop of chocolate, scoop of vanilla; don't waste my time."

Sunday, March 1, 2009

"Scoop of chocolate, scoop of vanilla; don't waste my time."

I'm back in Cincitucky for a few days. Ready to get some post-op attention. I'm ready for some answers, ready to hear some good news, and in terms of whatever the oncologist has for me, in the words of Natalie Maines: I'm not ready to make nice. BRING IT. (This is the attitude adjustment that happens after a smooth cruise down 75 with Coach Mofo running the show. Housed a 12-no-mayo from Jimmy John's, arrived safely, and now I'm feeling like I have a grip again.)

And now I'm just trying to figure out a good source for a large 3-way from Skyline...that's my only concern right now. My face stopped leaking.

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Definitions

"ACG" - the writer formerly known as "ATL Andy", hubs of Wifey Laura, friend since BFF Katie dated ACG's childhood bro, Brandon, in the late 90's. Intimidatingly smart, kind, with wit for days. Encyclopedic knowledge of sports and literature, and therefore invaluable for crossword puzzle and Trivial Pursuit pursuits.
"ATL Andy" - see "ACG"
"ATL Laura" - see "Wifey Laura"
"Aussie Cat" - a friend from high school. She lived in Michigan for a few years before eventually moving back to Australia. She is a kindred spirit and understands some of my lesser-known quirks.
"BFF Katie" - surrogate sister from high school, future wife of Dr. Kevin, ob-gyn resident. Driven, ballsy, devoted, co-star in some of my best memories.
"BFF Molly" - surrogate sister from high school, bringing her childhood ambitions to fruition at National Geographic. Thoughtful, loyal, great listener, ambitious, pays attention to the little things. Caution: has hot moves.
"Bro-Joe" - my big brother, hubs to Sister Kelly, lives and TCBs in San Francisco. Loves food, jam bands, his wifey, Detroit sports. When we played WWF as kids, he was Macho Man Randy Savage and I got to be Miss Elizabeth.
"E-Cav" - a friend from my tenure at LGW, elementary school teacher. She's a grown-up and therefore a good role model. She's also hilarious, genuinely kind, and has a remarkable work ethic.
"hype girl" - in popular culture, a hype girl is a back-up dancer. I've co-opted the term to refer to anyone who is a partner-in-crime or source of practical or emotional support.
"neurontourage" - term I use to describe the different medical professionals that treated me during my neuro bullshit in 2009.
"Sister Carrie" - my older sister, twin to Sister Jennie, mother to Gretabunny, wife to Brother Dave. Hilarious, mercurial, unbelievably compassionate.
"Sister Jennie" - my older sister, twin to Sister Carrie, wife to Brother Chris. Warm, hard-working, irreverent.
"Wifey Laura" - the neuroscientist formerly known as "ATL Laura", friend through other friends, post-doctoral fellow in brains in Minneapolis, wife of ACG. Brilliant, warm, hilarious. A major ambition of mine is to live close enough to Wifey Laura to hang out with her on a casual, every-day basis. Appreciater of puppies and Heart.
Mama Jan - my mother, and mother to Bro-Joe, Sisters Carrie and Jennie, nonna to Gretabunny. Close confidante, word nerd like me, excellent listener, one of the best huggers of all time.
Sister Kelly - wifey of Bro-Joe, lawyer in San Francisco. Wicked smaht, kind, funny, total commie like me.
WTF?! - abbreviation for "what the fuck?!", apt description for a lot of my misadventures.