"Time will do the talking, years will do the walking..."

I've spent the last few days helping a friend do some writing [I'm getting paid for it, too! Can you believe it?! I haven't worked since before Christmas!], and for me that means a lot of listening to Pandora.com. If any of you are unfamiliar with it, I highly recommend getting it. I set up a station and it plays a lot of Patty Griffin, which is marvelous. I have nothing but wonderful associations with her voice and her lovely lyrics. (Did anybody else vomit a little upon hearing Jessica Simpson do a cover of a Patty Griffin classic? Oh, geez. I wish artists were a little more delicate in deciding whose work to adapt for personal gain...it's like using somebody's journal entry as toilet paper.)

Recovery-wise, I think I've hit a bit of a plateau...I am aching to get started with PT. I am so excited to see how my back and neck will react to new movement. And I am AMPED to get in shape! (My brother-in-law always refers to getting my puppy-niece into "racing form". I'm into it.) I spent the weekend in Cincinnati seeing the extended family-- and I'm feeling a bit guilty for not getting in touch with my friends there. But, to be honest, as I wrote to a mentor of mine earlier, I hate the idea of presenting anything but my best self...the friends I have in Cincinnati are great, but they are a far cry from the Katies, Mollys, and Theas. (Those three have seen me in rare form-- the result of 10+ years of hijinks.) And at this point, I'm still not there. I still feel a little like the Tin-Man without his oil can, and I still feel the gravity of months of inertia. As much as I look forward to getting back to my life, I don't want to slip backwards-- I want to come back with a bang! I have two weeks until my next post-op; I'm looking to that appointment for Dr. T. to say, "Yep, you can get back to your life", or at the very least say, "You're not quite there, but I'd say in ___ more weeks, you'll be ready to drive/work/be you."

On the other hand, I am nervous about reclaiming what's been put on hold. Upon my return to Cincinnati, I'll have a pretty massive hill to climb. The job I thought was waiting for me is on shaky ground. One of my roommates just lost her mother, with absolutely no warning-- I'm sure that will certainly change the tenor of our house. I can't fathom what she must be enduring right now and I can't believe I can't be there to at least lend an ear. Also, I never saw Cincinnati as a long-term prospect-- but being away has made it pretty appealing, and that's a little confusing. I've been picturing myself on one of the coasts, or across the pond. (Note: Cincinnati is, what?, 10 hours from the nearest coast, and no, I was not referring to the pond next to my grandmother's house.)

Also, I'm nervous about when I get back to long, hard days of whatever it is I end up doing to pay rent. I ran errands with my mom and grandmother on Saturday, and by the end of the day, I had a death-grip on the med bottles, and spent the entire next day in bed. It was this very odd, and very f-ing painful sensation like my arms were too heavy for my body to support, like the muscles surrounding my collarbones were strained by the simple task of keeping my arms attached to my torso. (Weird. I don't recommend trying to recreate this feeling.) I know that this will subside, but how long am I supposed to postpone my life? Did anybody find a long-lost great-aunt who left me some exhorbitant sum of cash? No? Yeah, I figured as much...I need to get back to being a grown-up.

My dad's brother-from-another-mother, Dr. Kennedy, sent me a box full of three different B-complex vitamins. Apparently, the Bs accelerate nerve regeneration. [...as a slow, gleeful smile spreads across Dana's face at the mere thought of having all ten fingers functioning at full capacity...] So, that's kind of exciting. I'm not thrilled at the idea of taking more pills every day, but whatever! Bring on the Bs! What did I write a while back?...better living through chemistry? Yeah. I'm on board.

Ok...I've been in front of my laptop for too many hours to admit. My lap needs some fresh air...and I need to not be in this recliner anymore. Oof. Happy April Fool's Day! I hope no one gets nailed by that computer worm...PC users, update your anti-virus and security ASAP.