Grace and Guts

So, any controllable failures in my life can be attributed to a lack of either grace or guts. Key example: my freshman year of college, I betrayed a beloved friend by revealing a piece of information about his/her personal life. I didn't understand why it was so important that said piece of information remain a secret, and frankly, still don't. But I had no good reason to spill the secret except maybe because I was looking to have the upperhand on the gossip grapevine. A graceful treatment of this situation would have been to keep my mouth shut, and remember that it wasn't my story to tell. Thankfully, the wronged friend forgave me, but I haven't forgotten the incident and I hope I never will.

Another example, a little broader: this has been a rebuilding year for me. I've been forced to really examine the path I've taken, and I've realized that wrong turns I made along the way were because I didn't have the guts to make the right turns. I was seeking approval or acceptance, on some level, instead of doing what I knew in my heart was what I truly wanted.

I think a lot of people, especially my age, feel like they are pulled in two distinct directions-- what they want to do, and what they should do. If we followed what we wanted all along, and have the guts and grace to work as hard as necessary to get it, then it becomes what you should do. Take my friend "Danielle". (No, this isn't a veiled reference to myself. Serious.) Danielle went to a liberal arts school, kicked ass there, and it was expected that she take the next step down the liberal arts path and become a) a consultant b) a teacher c) a salesperson d) whatever. Instead, she took a circuitous path and followed a passion instead. I encouraged her to take her excellent work ethic to a more secure, money-making venture, but she didn't. She took a harder road, but eventually she got her foot in the door at her dream employer. And she's doing EXACTLY what she should be doing. It took a fucking schooner of guts for her to take the risk she did, and I so admire that. (I only wish I'd had the grace to support her, instead of second-guessing her choices.)

I'm sure I'll make choices in the future that will be met with suspicion and derision, but I hope to have the guts to follow through, and the grace to let the criticism roll off my back-- when everything else is chipped away, I'm the only one who knows what's best for me!