BFF Katie sometimes admonishes me for doing things that she considers social missteps, and often it's because I'm telling a story that isn't mine to tell. WELL. This blog is ALL MINE and EVERY STORY is mine to tell if I so desire. Yep, suck it, Katie. You may've co-opted my blog for the few hours that I was in surgery, but that shit is healed now, and that sweet First Amendment is mine to exercise any time I want. To that end, KATIE HELPED DELIVER A BABY TONIGHT!!! WOOO!!!! Good job, Katie! Sorry for telling you to suck it!!
After I hung up the phone with her tonight [ok, well, just pressed "end" on my cell phone], it was about 10:30, and Big Doug was already asleep-- I ran upstairs, and stage-whispered "Dad!!" a few times until I heard him gasp, and I go, "Katie delivered a baby tonight!", and I just heard him sigh. (That sigh signified, "That is good news. However, I might kill my youngest child tomorrow morning for waking me up to share it, and homicide is NOT good news.")
I watched an episode of Platinum Weddings tonight and did a lot of mental vomiting. The bride kept talking about having an elegant, classy wedding-- and I found several instances that would indicate that her definition of "elegant" or "classy" is a far cry from my own.
1. Having rhinestones or crystals attached to every piece of fabric
2. Wearing a dress with slits upto mid-asscheek on both sides, in a very whorish shade of hot pink
3. Rhinestones glued to acrylic French manicured nails
4. Clear acrylic platforms on one's shoes
5. Asian hair bleached sandy blonde
6. Dancing to Soulja Boy Tell'Em-- no elegant woman implores her wedding guests to Superman any 'hos
7. An LED dancefloor
8. Being backlit behind a white scrim to build tension before your entrace
9. Comparing one's wedding to a fashion show
10. A cake designed to look like a stack of pillows decorated with the horrific Louis Vuitton Murikami print and topped with a beauty queen tiara made of hot pink crystallized sugar
By the way, if you have to describe something as "classy", isn't it automatically just NOT classy? Was I the only one to get that memo? I know Young Lady Kristin received it. My sister had a copy tucked into her wedding binder. Adrienne's wedding planner forwarded her a copy of it. So, this bride on Platinum Weddings, Amy, paid $500,000 of her fiance's money, but couldn't afford a copy of the memo? Weird.
wow. that is all i can say. less is more sometimes, she def didn't get that memo!
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