I'm still working on my Oscars round-up entry. I have a lot to say about the right mess that was made at the Kodak Theater on Sunday. I will not rush it: the Oscars are my Superbowl. Ridiculous, arbitrary, mandatory.
In the meantime, here's a little something. I read that Matt Damon and the cast of The Adjustment Bureau was being interviewed on "Piers Morgan Tonight", so I DVR'd the episode, and watched it a little while ago. I'm always so impressed with Matt Damon. Aside from his success in movies, he has a great public persona-- eloquent, whip-smart, engaged, funny, etc. The PMT interview was just further proof. I wrote a status update on Facebook to that effect, and a friend of mine replied, ribbing me about my obvious ambition to make out with Matt Damon. I have no problem with that at all. I wear that badge proudly!
So, it got me thinking...with all of the media that I consume, I am exposed to a lot of different public figures. It's only natural to evaluate some of these people in terms of how fun it might be to run into them at a bar, have one too many cocktails, and, you know, see where things go. I've come up with a solid outline of my personal criteria.
1) I have to find them more attractive than my old high school crush. (This is not easy.)
2) They have to tread the fine line of taking their WORK very seriously, but not taking THEMSELVES seriously at all, judged solely from interviews that I see/read. (I don't meet a lot of celebrities while living in the northern 'burbs of Detroit. I know, shocker!, right?)
3) They have to exhibit at least one of the following: an above-average command of English, thoughtful allegiance to liberal values, and/or indisputable musical or comedic ability.
Yes. It takes more than just a pretty face, Hollywood. Brad Pitt, while gorgeous and talented, is a failure in the second criterion. Justin Bieber fails on both the first and second...and I'm probably breaking some sort of law or ethical code by even evaluating him, given that he's about 7 years old. Matthew McConaughey fails on the first and third. Orlando Bloom, both of the guys from that awful book-turned-movie series that I cannot bring myself to mention on this blog, and the Jonas Brothers fail on all three criteria. [Side note: Orlando Bloom's baby son is named Flynn. Flynn Bloom. Say what you will about obscure baby names, but at least "Apple Martin" and "Harlow Madden" are relatively easy to say. "Flynn Bloom" sounds like some sort of onomatopoetic exclamation from a poorly translated ethnic fairy tale.]
So, who joins Matt Damon on my list? Jon Hamm, Robert Downey, Jr., the Clooney, Jason Sudeikis [yes, I recognize that three of my celebrity crushes are also the three actors that have played significant love interests for Tina Fey's character on 30 Rock...I think it shows discerning taste on my part], Bradley Whitford [seriously, if a guy gets a role in anything Aaron Sorkin wrote...], Matthew Perry, Paul Rudd, Jake Gyllenhaal, and the Timberlake are key players. There are a few others, but these are the ones that come to mind first.
Congrats, guys. If you're ever in the Detroit area, give me a call-- I know a great bar.
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